I am sooo frustrated. I have been tracking my shooting on my iPad. Watching my numbers go up and down, looking at patterns. Today it really hit how much my kyudo sucks. Last month for 300 shots I had 41.33% ( 124 hits) , this month for 301 shots I have 36.54% ( 110 hits) I am major depressed. My shinsa is tomorrow, and instead of getting better I am getting worse. The big deal is not the passing so much as my getting worse. When I took my San-dan shinsa, I hit both shots, when I took my first Yondan shinsa, I missed the second shot by 1/2 in. I have gone down hill since then, even with more practice. Perhaps I look better doing everything as I am told to correct…but my hitting sucks. I can not seem to lock in a consistency. I am trying not to adjust my targeting to my faults, instead I am working on correcting my faults…I think.
Well I have no expectations of success for this round, even the next, perhaps I will just skip that one and not waste my money. I did have a Sempai tell me, I was doing good to make San-dan in 6 yrs of study. She has been doing Kyudo for 13 yrs and is just somewhat recently a Go-dan. Still it is not the passing or failing, it is the feeling of not improving. Sigh, pretty burnt out right now. Perhaps I over did the training, everyday almost for two weeks at 3-4 hours at a time, plus time spent before that. I hate testing, I will be glad when this is over. It is the mind gymnastics thing which is the most tiring. Well anyway, this too shall pass. Everything is temporary in life, joy, sorrow, love and happiness…life.
I am going to the Dojo again today. I need get my Yumi, I will do a few shots whilst there, but only for 1 hour. Enough is enough, time to step back a bit.
After the Shinsa I will be off sailing for 24 hrs after that, doing a boat delivery. Then some music events up coming, and a 1yr anniversary Shakuhachi solo pilgrimage to a Kumoso temple. Finally Kyudo will take a back seat for a while. I can get a break from obsessing over some approval, and just shoot to shoot. Simple, pure is a good thing.